～ eins ～
The cloudy
sky was so somber and sorrowful that I couldn’t help but wonder if it truly was
the same sky that I had always looked up at.
My
surroundings were strangely silent—...
It was
almost as if I could hear the sound of the falling snowflakes piling up.
... The
sound of my own breath and heartbeat seemed so loud they were almost
irritating.
“Fate-chan,
do you like snow?”
As I stared
blankly at the falling snow, a flake touched my cheek. In
that instant... I remembered her kind voice.
“... Nanoha.”
“Mmm... I... don’t
hate it, I guess? ... And you, Nanoha?”
“I looove snow. Because...”
—...
Looking back, it was snowing like this that night, too.
“Nanoha... Nano-ha...”
Ahh, why do I long for you so much?
It’s
useless.
I never had
the right to begin with.
Why, why?
—... Just,
why?
“Because, um... well.”
“It’s okay, why don’t you take
your time and calm down? ... Alright?”
As I pulled
myself from the wall of rubble I leaned against, I felt a sharp pain on my
side... and a slippery warmth flowing out.
Removing
the hand that had been pressing down on it, I reached out to the sky as if I were
begging for something, and what before had been staining my hand, now slowly
ran down my arm.
—... I felt
something different from snow... something warm falling onto my cheek.
Within this
land where everything was dyed pure white, one deep red flower bloomed...
Caressed and scattered by the wind, its petals fell onto the fallen snow.
It’s...
hopeless. This is the end, of everything.
But it’s
fine. This... is fine.
—... Because if I’m gone, this war will end as well.
Happiness
will return. Nanoha will smile.
“Well... Um. Because
this way, I can be close to you, Fate-chan.”
... I don’t
want to disappear.
No, no, no.
I don’t
want to disappear from this world that Nanoha is in.
No good.
It’s no good.
Everything
is my fault.
I loved Nanoha. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be by her
side.
That was
all I wanted.
But.
I didn’t
even have the right to do that.
Not at all. Not for anything.
Whether it’s between girls, or a knight and a princess.
Those
things didn’t matter.
Because I.
I—...
“Nyahaha, Fate-chan, I love you!”
“-ku...,
a... Nano... ha”
Had I known
of everything that would happen, I wouldn’t have met her.
Even if we did meet, I wouldn’t have fallen in love.
I wouldn’t
have... had feelings for her at all.
... What...
am I saying?
That’s
impossible. Even I know that.
I met you. And called your name.
—... In
that moment
“I love you too, Nanoha.”
I had
already fallen in love with you.
【 eins ～ (Schicksal) ～ 】
I have few memories
of my childhood.
... By
childhood, I mean up to around the age of three. That was never a problem for
me though.
For as long
as I could remember, I lived in the institute. The head of the institute was
kinder than anyone I knew, and I loved her as if she were my real mother.
Still, it
had already been decided that I could only remain there until I was ten.
I hadn’t
really understood the complicated parts, but apparently there had been a war
going on in a neighboring kingdom until just a few years ago, and a large
number of war orphans had come to our kingdom seeking help in the aftermath.
Although
they had taken in as many as they could, it had been agreed upon that they
would enter society once they reached a certain age to keep the number in the
institute from growing too large. There was nothing else that could be done.
I can still
remember listening to the head of the institute as she told me this. And though
I was young, I came to the conclusion that I had to be one of those war orphans
too.
... Even if I hadn’t really understood what that meant at that time.
Even I, who
had been so young, would be turning ten next year.
Normally,
this would be around the time for a person to decide his or her future, but...
for me, it had already been decided.
Starting
next year, I would be living in the castle; or at the heart of our kingdom, you
could say. More specifically... in the military barracks located on the castle
grounds....
I had
always seemed to have a much higher “magic potential” than other people.
Half a year
ago, data on the children in the institute had been gathered, and apparently
the figures for mine had been considered abnormally high. This was when a
high-ranked military commander came all the way to the institute to ask
something of me.
“What do you think, Fate-san?
When you leave here, would you like to try joining our military?”
The woman
said it with such a radiant smile, I never would have
thought she was in the military. ... I, as someone who had no particular place
to go to, readily answered.
After that,
I had been given a few opportunities to observe her troops in order to
understand what the military would be like. It was on my third visit when this
woman who had been looking out for me asked, “When you enter the
military, will you let me adopt you?”
Happiness,
warmth... those were the sort of feelings that welled up in my chest, and I
found myself flushing with joy... which was a little embarrassing.
But without
hiding it, I nodded.
＊＊＊
“Wah... It’s really
late...”
By the time
I had finished the requested shopping after my part-time job as a paper
carrier, the sky had already become dark.
Although
the only reason I was late was because I had been looking at a poster....
It was
after buying the bread for everyone in the institute from the bakery we always
go to. I thought it was about time that I headed home, and when I exited the
bakery, I came across it.
“A birthday party is being
held for the princess.”
Those words
were written in large letters. ... It looked like the princess’s birthday was
next month.
And the
details said... “Please come to the castle to
celebrate this event!”
The party
was a public event, and all common folk were welcomed. ... I suppose it goes to
show how much the kingdom trusted and loved its citizens.
—... But... Hmm.
The princess... I wonder what she’s like...
I wondered
about that while staring absent-mindedly at the poster. And just like that... I
arrived at this point.
“Everyone’s probably getting
hungry.”
In a hurry,
I held the bag I was carrying to my chest and ran down the brick-lined street.
—... It takes over 15 minutes to get to the institute
from here. If I use the main road, I might not reach home by seven o’clock.
To get there
a little faster, I decided to take the side lanes,
taking a turn just before the one I usually took.
There were
few streetlights which made it rather dark, but this city was relatively safe,
and on top of that, thanks to my many years as a newspaper carrier, it was like
making my way through my own backyard.
I didn’t
slow down even when I was about to turn around the corner... but then. From the
corner of my eye, I saw the figure of a girl crouching quietly beneath a lone
street light.
... I haven’t seen her before. I wonder what’s wrong? Is she lost?
“Why are you alone in a place
like this?”
I called
out in a soft voice so that I wouldn’t startle her as I approached slowly.
Hearing me, she raised her head from where it had been buried between her
knees.
“... Um, I’ve kind of lost my
way...”
The shy and
worried girl seemed to be around the same age as me.
“... Where do you live?”
“...”
She slowly
shook her head, frowning, as if she wasn’t able to come up with an answer.
... Could she have come from a place so far away that she
doesn’t know where...?
“... It’s already dark... In
any case, being in a place like this is dangerous...”
As I asked myself what to do, the
girl made a small “mmh” sound and grabbed
my sleeve. ... Her face seemed extremely anxious.
“Um... for now, why don’t you
come with me? Then you can contact your family or someone to pick you up?”
I held out
my hand. The girl glanced between my hand and my face a few times before
nervously reaching out for it, and grabbed it tightly.
“Shall we go?”
“Okay.”
That hand
was just a little smaller than mine. ... But somehow, it was very warm.
I don’t
know if it was because it was my first time holding hands, but. —... The warmth
of the hand that linked with mine
somehow
made my heart race oddly.
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